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May 20th, 2009


11:15 pm


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL MY LJ FRIENDS THAT HAVE A BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK!



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April 20th, 2009


02:38 am - inmates.
when you said you loved me, did you really love me?
did the words just spill out, like drool on my pillow.
cuz i was naked when you said those words,
but i felt covered in your whispered worship.

and as you pass out fast on my shoulder,
i imagine a child, waiting so sad for his mom to arrive.
did she leave you and orphan in the big brown leather chair?

said don't you leave a muscle kid, i'll be back in twenty years.

you were sad, you were lonely.
but you must have been aware,
life is a series of calluses,
this is just another layer.

so build them up,
and tough it out.
yeah that's your skin,
don't let anyone under there.

when you said you needed me,
did you really need me?

or was it just someone,
oh you'd take anything.

am i first on that list of yours?
or am i second or third?
so who’s that ahead of me?
some harlot from pittsbourgh.
or detroit, santa fe, or san deigo.

i know you're so alone,
but how much affection does one guy really need?

did you date a lot in high school?
were you always chasing girls?
couldn't you find some young valentine to steal your heart for good?

were you contempt or contemptible?
are your memories pleasant?
or is it a string of endless flings and bitter resentment?

seems that what you want and what you need
doesn't mean a thing,
we're just here for the taking.

when you said you'd hurt me
did you think you’d hurt me.
are you really that cocky?
yeah what a heart breaker
well i got my armor
yeah I’ve been through some battles before

and i met your old girlfriend
she said
baby don’t bother

she told me you told her you'd hurt her

funny
how familiar,
so how much of this relationship was rehearsed?

did you act out as a child?
were you always crying wolf?
attention starved.
you tried to hard just to get someone to look.

now you're the wolf in second hand clothing.
i'm the sheep in a pleaded skirt.
it's an awkward form of payback,
but if it works for you,
it works.

it's that i recognize your off-white lies, still i lie beside you
and that's what really hurts.

when you said you'd hurt me.
did you think you'd hurt me?

when you said you'd leave me,
why haven't you left me?

what are we still doing here,
so desperate for company?

there's a greyhound on jackson street, there's an airport in council bluffs.
hell there's a car in the driveway.
fifty ways to get lost.

but as i hold you and listen to you sleeping
i'm starting to wonder if i really believe that you'll ever really leave.

would you leave me an orphan,
in that big brown leather chair?
the one you've lugged around from town to town for all these years.
it's the trophy of your childhood,
like a shark tooth or crocodile boots

but if this one hold you prisoner, it holds me prisoner too.

what we need to set us free is to let go of each other,
let go of everything.

when i said i loved you,
it was because i loved you.

when i said i needed you,
well i really need you.

yeah, i guess you hurt me.
for once you're a man of your word.
well guess what,
i'm leaving.

i can't be your prisoner.
i can't be your prisoner.
oh no.

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April 19th, 2009


10:37 pm - album of the year.
the first time that i met her i was throwing up in the ladies room stall.
she asked me if i needed anything, i said i think i spilled my drink,
and that's how it started..
or so i'd like to believe.

she took me to her mother's house where the stars hang down.
she said she'd never seen someone so lost, i said i've never felt so found.
and then i kissed her on the cheek, and so she kissed me on the mouth.

spring was popping daises up 'round rusted trucks and busted lawn chairs.
we moved into a studio in council bluffs to save a couple bucks
and the mice came out at night.
neighbors were screaming all the time.

we made love in the afternoons to chelsea girls and bachelor no. 2.
i'd strum to her some songs i wrote,
she'd joke and say i'm shooting through the roof.
i'd say they're they're all for you, dear.

i'll write the album of the year.

and i know she loved me then,
i swear to god she did.
cuz in the way she'd bite my lower lip, and push her hips against my hips
and dig her nails so deep into my skin...

the first time that i saw her i was sure i had finally found the one.
she was convinced i was under the influence of all those drunken romantics.
i was reading fante and the time, i had bukowski on the mind...

she got a job at jacobs serving cocktails to the local drunks.
against her will i fit the bill, i perched down at the end of the bar.
she said,
space is not just a place for stars.
i gave you an inch, you want a house with a yard.

and i know she loved me once, but those days are done.
she used to call me everyday from a payphone on her break for lunch,
just to say she can't wait to come home,
oh, to come home..

the last time that i saw her she was picking through which records were hers,
her clothes were packed in boxes with some pots and pans and books and a toaster.
just then a mouse scurried across the floor..

we started laughing till it didn't hurt.
we started laughing till it didn't hurt.

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March 16th, 2009


06:09 pm
He drove past me and I felt the air slap me across the face.
Just as the cool ocean breeze as he sailed into the distance.
I will love him forever. And will always be inspired by his ghost.
He took in carbons and didn’t allow them to destroy his shell.
He took cover for the great storm. Then the tidal wave came.
It washed us all away.
But he stood strong, from a porch covered by the vines and falling petals, mourning the loss of all the beautiful things.
Looking through my snowy cloud, I saw his face while he looked past my pale shoulders from the tapes he made of me.
Crystals fell from his eyes, and it reminded me he was more human than the rest of us.

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February 13th, 2009


04:24 pm
Yesterday I got my paper back.
I got a C...

He said, this was beautiful.
Poetic, and written wonderfully.

But, not what the assignment called for.



FUCKKK YOUUUU!
Looks like I'll be making a lot of C's for this class.
Poor Bastard.

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February 7th, 2009


10:04 pm

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll say...

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February 4th, 2009


10:20 pm
I don't even know.
I guess that pretty much sums it up.

Yesterday I saw Jake, and it was really nice. Such events happened, and .. I don't know. They're silly. And, the way he reacted to them....
Made me realize... why we can't walk away from eachother. He still loves me. Just as much as I still love him. I think.. maybe when we're both done being crazy. And I decide I don't like girls. We're going to be okay.

Corey... is getting kind of needy. And, Esh. I don't know. Buggin me.
Like quit blowing up my phone. I am not dating you. And, yes Jake will text the shit out of me. Sorry if I it bothers you. He like, totally HATES Jake, and has no reason to. But, he won't stop talking about Kiera. Wtf ever. I'm not interested. But, it's kind of obnoxious. The way he's going about it. And such.
Whatever.

Paper due tommorow. No work. :] Clubbing with Seany, this weekend.
HoLLLAAA!!!!

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January 28th, 2009


02:29 pm

An epitaph speaks,
But I’m too deaf to hear it.
The solitude shakes the core of my existence.
I see their mouths move, and the epiphanies close their eyelids.
We are all fools.
We are wounded.
The solider looks down upon a world nestled tightly in the beds.
Covered by spider-webs and feathers.
The widow crawls down the vine.
Piercing into our skin.
Poisoning us.
Cleansing us.
Awakening us.
I’m jolted from my wholly sheets.
Covered in slime.
I’ve never felt so alive.

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December 8th, 2008


08:29 pm - This looked fun. =]
Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or ANY other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own.

Happy Guessing!


o1. She wears a butterfly on her wrist, but she might as well cut it's head off. She's holding up her weapons to kill the ghosts inside, or at least kill the thoughts she has of killing her mind she says.

o2. Babe, Baby, Baby, I'm gunna leave you.

o3. I wouldn't have compromised this much, so much of myself for fear of having you hate me. And I would have sung so loudly, it would have cracked myself. And I become self concious of anything exuberant.

o4. It's not that I care truly, but you're that girl with sharp teeth who grabs at the walls, and pulls me down. Well here's my new address 664. Oh, I forget. It's not like I care, truly. But you're that girl with gold teeth, who snaps at the walls.

o5. You stopped stopping by to say hello. You started starting up each time I phone. I only call when I get the blues, you'd think at least I could turn to you. But I'm sure your heart is breaking too. It's getting better every day, I still reserve the right to complain to you. That being said, I rarely do, you left me with nothing left to lose. But, I'm sure your heart is breaking too.

o6. Gimme Gimme Gimme. I need more. Gimme Gimme Gimme, don't ask what for.

s>o7. Tell me dear, is there anything you'd like to hear? One last song before we dissapear, some broken hearted ballad built for two. By the way, it seems my notebooks have all been misplaced, those scribbled poetries of yesterday have no more effect on me. </s>

o8. Well she's fashionabily lean. And she's fashonally late. She'll never wreck a scene, she'll never break a day. But she is no drag, just watch the way she walks..

o9. I saw something I was not supposed to see, a ghostly memory that keeps on haunting me. The kitchen door was opened a crack, so naively we peeked inside. Oh darlin' sister have they hurt you, have the hurt you? Oh pretty baby, they won't touch you, they won't touch you again. We will fix this incident.

1o. Lost again, broken and weary, unable to find my way. Tail in hand, dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go. I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown. Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun. I choose to live.


11. I am the biggest hypocrite, been undeniabily jealous. I have been loud and pretentious, I have been utterly threatened. I've gotten candy for my self-intrest, the sexy treadmill-capitalist. Heaven forbid I be criticized. Heaven forbid I be ignored.

12. What are you really after? What are you hoping to gain? If nothing has ever pleased you, what makes you think you've changed? You think it's just puzzle pieces, but they never fit right. You're running in circles darlin, from bed back to bed. If you can't say what you're really after then, baby just rest your head.

13. Oh where oh where can my baby be? The lord took her away from me. She's gone to Heaven, so I've got to be good so I can see my baby when I leave this world.

14. Friction! Friction! Friction! Friction! Night clubs, and night stalkers, fast women, fast talkers, loose lips. loose lips, the lovely loveless, sunset to sunrise, black dresses, black guys...

15. We can have a day from here, if you'll take your heart and put some faith in ideals. The bank line will all turn around and rent will pay itself. You can sleep tonight, little boys in sweat-shops will again be children and tonight they'll eat the lions share.

16. You can fake it for a while, bite your tounge and smile, like every mother does her ugly child. But it starts to leak out, like spittle from a cloud, amazed resentment, pouncing ounce and pound.

17. I'm broke, but I'm happy. I'm poor, but I'm kind. I'm short, but I'm healthy. I'm high but I'm grounded. I'm sane, but I'm over-whelmed. I'm lost but I'm hopefully, baby.

18. I stumbled in at three AM, but you didn't want to. I tried again at half past ten, you still didn't want to. Your hips have this way of saying no way.. an impenetrable barricade.

19. Overcome by your moving temple, overcome by this holiest of alters. So pure, so rare to witness such a lovely goddess. I've lost my self control, beyond compelled to throw this dollar down before your holiest of alters.

2o. I faced my demons, wrestling these angels to the ground. And all that I could find was a thin line between all the saints and villians, it was crossed.

21. I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, the old farmiliar sting. Tried to kill it all away, but I remember everything.

22. You don't have to call me sugarpie, cuz I'm just coming along for the ride. You don't have to call me sweetheart, let's just get on to the good part. I don't wanna be a lonely girl, waiting for you to come up from the other side of the world. I just wanna see you once or twice a year, get on your motorcycle, and drink some beer.

23. Could you whisper in my ear the things you wanna feel? I could give you anything to feel it coming. Do you wake up on your own, or wonder where you are, and live with all your faults. I wanna wake up where you are.

24. I'm sure you've had your share of men, I'd be honored to be one of them. Yu're a fool for the wounded, I'm a man in need of bandages. So, wrap me up, and take me home, your lovers are doing god only knows.

25. The cannibals are out long after good kids are in bed. They're coming through the window, and they're coming for my head. I'm fattened up for killing season, helping God to find me a reason to feed my quickly to the cannibal named Ed.


Sorry. I couldn't do just one line. They're all just too good. Blahh.

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November 19th, 2008


04:12 pm - Inmates. ♥

As I hold you and listen to you sleeping, I'm starting to wonder, if I really believe that you'll ever really leave.
Would you leave me an orphan in your big brown leather chair, the one you lugged around from town to town for all these years,.
It's the trophy of your childhood, like a shark's tooth or gator skin boots, but if this one holds you prisoner, it holds me prisoner too.

What we need to set us free is to let go of each other, let go of everything.

When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you.
When I said I needed you, well, I really need you.
Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once your a man of your word.

Well guess what I'm leaving.
I can't be your prisoner.

I can't be your prisoner, oh no.
I can't be your prisoner, oh no.

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